How to Stop Thinking that Accepting Help is a Sign of Weakness

While it may sound simple enough, accepting help is something that is extremely challenging for all of us at one time or another. It can be especially hard for those of us who believe that seeking help undermines our independence and our ability to cope. However, by refusing to accept help, we disregard the fact that we are social beings who need to cooperate with one another in order to thrive. It's possible to change your thinking and become more receptive to help in the future.

Decide if you are worried about what others will think. There are many possible reasons that might be influencing your reluctance to seek help from others. One is your concern about how others view you. Some of the following reasons might be applicable to you:

·         You may feel that you don't need help, or that any person offering help is threatening your independence. For example, maybe you have had to look out for yourself since an early age due to neglectful parents. Now, you believe suddenly accepting help from others makes you weak.

·         Perhaps, it was instilled in you that an adult or someone your age must take responsibility for himself. As a result, you believe it is socially wrong to ask (or to be a burden) to friends and family for assistance.

·         You may battle with fears of rejection or have a tendency to towards perfectionism. Both motivations can cause you to avoid accepting help for fear of failing or being seen as a failure.

·         If you're a business owner or professional, you may be worried that needing help can demonstrate a lack of professionalism. Consequently, you might feel that someone not handling his own affairs is inferior or incompetent.

Move beyond your need for outside approval. Believing that others will judge you or reject you may be interfering with your ability to seek help when you need it. Learn to not internalize judgments or rejections inflicted on you by others. Fight approval-seeking with self-acceptance.

·         Become more accepting of yourself by recognizing your strengths and celebrating them. When you are aware of your positive characteristics, judgment or rejection from others impacts you less.

·         Write a list of your strongest traits and abilities. Reflect on this list when you are doubtful or your capabilities or when you are worried about gaining approval from others.

Move beyond your need for outside approval. Believing that others will judge you or reject you may be interfering with your ability to seek help when you need it. Learn to not internalize judgments or rejections inflicted on you by others. Fight approval-seeking with self-acceptance.

·         Become more accepting of yourself by recognizing your strengths and celebrating them. When you are aware of your positive characteristics, judgment or rejection from others impacts you less.

·         Write a list of your strongest traits and abilities. Reflect on this list when you are doubtful or your capabilities or when you are worried about gaining approval from others.

Acknowledge how you are reinforcing unrealistic ideals. Sometimes, there are conflicting or reinforcing societal ideals that can make it seem like a weakness to need help. If you understand that these "ideals" are but one among many approaches to living, you might be more likely to seek help when you need it. For example:

·         There is a common theme running through movies, books and even games, that a hero will gain the highest glory if he or she faces impossible problems and magically overcomes them on his or her own. Even historical events have been rewritten to accommodate this unrealistic view of the amazing prowess of leaders throughout time.

·         The problem with this viewpoint is that most heroes and leaders have a lot of helpers and supporters unacknowledged in the wings. As such, comparing yourself with such unrealistic portrayals of heroes or leaders will only bring you unhappiness.

·         Some people have a tendency to think that you should be able to cope alone or to manage without help. Many of us see the world as it "should be" according to very unrealistic standards, as opposed to seeing the world as it actually "is". This isn't healthy thinking in the long-term. Quite often this ideal is reinforced by peer pressure or family views.

Realize the detriment you are causing yourself and others. By making yourself aloof from other human beings, you are building an invisible barrier around yourself that wards off the potential for new relationships and friendships.

·         It can be deceptive to think that you can give help and advice but never need to accept it in return. This ultimately just leads to loneliness and despair as it only serves to isolate you from others.

·         Consider reciprocity, think about times you've helped others with your own specialties which can give you confidence in asking others for help or advice in their areas of expertise.

Don't be fooled by your own expertise. Being trained in one field of expertise does not provide you with immunity from continuing to seek help from others within that same field or from other people in other fields. Your research, advice and practical skills will be all the better for asking for help from others, as well as gaining access to new methods and ideas.