How to Solve Relationship Problems

Identify the problem. The first step in solving a specific relationshipproblem is to figure out what the problem really is. For example, if you and your partner have been arguing a lot lately, try to pinpoint the reason why. It may be different for each of you.
• For example, you may feel that your partner is not helping out around the house as much as he or she should be, and your partner may feel like you are too demanding. Take some time to think about what is bothering you and have your partner do the same.

Express your needs. Once you have identified the problem, you will need to express how you feel to your partner. When you do so, make sure that you use “I” statements to express your feelings and avoid blaming your partner for the way that you feel.
• For example, you might say, “I have been feeling overwhelmed by the housework and I could use some more help from you.” Your partner might say something like, “I have been feeling overwhelmed as well because of my work schedule and I feel like you don’t appreciate how hard I work.”

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Acknowledging that you have heard your partner and that you understand how he or she feels is a good way to move forward. Avoid getting defensive because this will only lead to an argument and deepening resentment. Instead, let your partner know that you hear and understand.
• For example, you might say something like, “Okay, I hear what you are saying. I did not realize that you felt that way.”
• Do not get defensive even if your partner responds to you with a defensive claim, such as “You are always nagging me and you never appreciate how hard I work.” Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and move on.

Make a plan with your partner. Once you have expressed yourselves and acknowledged each other’s feelings, you and your partner will need to come up with a plan to cut down on the frequency of disagreements and the amount of time spent arguing. Try to reach a compromise with your partner so that both of you feel like your needs are being met.
• For example, if your partner has been feeling unappreciated, then you can promise to acknowledge his or her efforts more often. You might also make it a rule that you will not ask you partner to do anything until he or she has had a chance to unwind a bit. Your partner might then promise you that he or she will be more consistent with certain household chores.

Keep your promises. Once you and your partner have come up with a plan to resolve your issues, make sure that you keep your promises. Otherwise, you may end up in the same place as you were before.
• For example, if you promised to take out the garbage every night after dinner, make sure that you do so. Otherwise, your partner may start to feel resentful and begin lapsing on his or her promises as well.

Be prepared to repeat these steps. For relationships to work, each partner needs to work on the relationship consistently. Productive, assertive, open, trusting, and respectful communications and using problem solving skills can help in resolving relationship issues. A relationship is always a work in progress, and new challenges will arise. Work with your partner to maintain a healthy, supportive relationship.