How to Cope With Infertility

Fertility and having children is a central issue for many couples and even single women. It can be very challenging—both emotionally and physically—if you are not able to have children at all or are undergoing fertility treatments. Questions from and expectations by the outside world can make it even more difficult. By dealing with the physical and emotional aspects of infertility and seeking support, you can deal with infertility.

Handling the Physical and Emotional Effects of Infertility

Acknowledge your feelings. Anyone experiencing infertility often has a wide array of feelings such as denial, shock, numbness, anger, guilt, and shame. Acknowledging these feelings can help you start to get over them. Giving your feelings the proper attention by acknowledging them and seeking support through friends, family members, and even health professionals can give you power over them and any related situations you may encounter.

·         Remember that your feelings are completely natural.

·         Write down your feelings about your infertility or consider keeping a journal to track your progress or even just give you a private space in which to deal with your feelings.

·         Make sure you don’t hide your feelings from those people with whom you are close. They may find it difficult to understand how you truly feel if you mask it with smiles and “I’m okay.”

·         Avoid forcing yourself to feel a certain way. Instead, welcome any anger or sadness you feel and then let it go.

·         Consider saying daily positive affirmations to help you acknowledge your feelings. You could say something like, “I am so angry I can’t have children, but I am strong and my life will be just as full without kids.”

Let yourself grieve. Grief can be a normal reaction to infertility. Whether you’re still hoping to having a successful pregnancy or are unable to carry a child, your mind is likely already grieving. Not allowing yourself to mourn the loss can cause stress and anxiety and won’t allow you to feel better again.

·         Approach the grief process with infertility as “grieving a dream.” This can help make it more concrete and also cue your mind into knowing that your feelings of loss are completely normal.

·         Talking to your partner, family, friends, or even writing in a journal can help you get through the grieving process.

Ignore social stigmas. Most people are socialized, but fertility and having children are something about which many people feel entitled to comment. People may make insensitive remarks about you not having children without knowing your situation. In some cases, people may even feel it acceptable to make comments like, “if you hadn’t waited so long.” These types of comments and stigmas, which are often a result of lack of information, may make you feel guilt, shame, stress, anxiety, or depression. Learning to ignore comments and social stigmas can help you to cope with your infertility.

·         Avoid worrying about how other people may react to your infertility. Ignoring negative comments and reactions can help you more readily cope with the disorder. Telling yourself, “What other people think is their business” may help you gradually disconnect from negative comments and social stigmas.

·         Counter a negative comment with, “you know, I’m undergoing fertility treatments right now and it’s been really stressful” or “unfortunately, I can’t have children” that people are genuinely helpful, concerned, and eager to support you.

·         Re-channel negativity by taking a deep breath and thinking of something positive, like doing an activity you love. For example, say to yourself “I may be struggling with infertility, but the condition doesn’t own or define me. I can go out and laugh with other people and even children.”

Manage stress and anxiety. Infertility and its treatment can cause any person considerable stress and anxiety, be it physiological side effects, money concerns, and treatment failure. Taking active steps to reduce and manage any stress in your life can also help you cope more effectively with your infertility.

·         Step away from any situation that causes your stress if you are able. This might include going to baby showers or children’s birthday parties.

·         Use deep breathing techniques to help yourself relax or get through stressful situations. You can do this by sitting or standing up straight and inhaling deeply through your nose for a few seconds. Then hold it and exhale through your nose for the same amount of time as you inhaled. Do these breathing exercise for five minutes when you feel stressed or anxious can help relieve your feelings.

Pamper yourself. Taking care of and having time to yourself can help reduce stress and make you feel better. If you are dealing with infertility and any related emotional or physical issues, schedule “me time” to distract your mind and give yourself a break.

·         Consider activities that keep you engaged with other people who don’t remind you of your infertility. For example, have lunch with a work colleague or enjoy happy hour with friends.

·         Do things that allow you to pamper yourself and reduce stress such as taking a gentle yoga or meditation class or getting a massage. Allow yourself to buy something nice or do an activity you love such as mountain climbing or making pottery. Even reading a book in the bath is a nice way to pamper yourself.

·         Remember that you should never feel guilty for wanting some time to pamper yourself. It is important for reducing stress and promoting your overall wellbeing.